A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
