You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
