If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
