dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
