i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
