Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
