Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
