Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
