And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
