is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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