I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
