no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
