Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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