idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
