That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
