actually, I'm a sock model
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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