You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
