if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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