I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
