Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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