I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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