im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
