I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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