So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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