New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize