Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
