I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
