I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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