i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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