I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
