i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
