Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize