Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Randomize