I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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