you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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