I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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