tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
