drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
