I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
