yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
