laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
