Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
