Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
