lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
