So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
