Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
