is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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