Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
