i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
