and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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