You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
