the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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