CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
