Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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