so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
