apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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