eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
