i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I would ride that face into the sunset
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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