I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
