He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I supernannyed him into submission
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
