i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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