My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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