after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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