PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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