Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize