Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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