I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
