I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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