I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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