At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
