Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
home. puking in laundry basket.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize