So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
