Define "chronic" masturbator.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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