More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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