In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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