Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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