I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
