If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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