lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he told me I talked like a deaf person
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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