Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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