Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
