I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize