Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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