I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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