My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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