Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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