i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
