The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
